Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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