idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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