So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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