Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
