I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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