Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
