Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
