Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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