Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize