I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
