i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
