Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
