I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
