i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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