$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
