What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
