Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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