Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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