and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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