I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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