I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
