hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
