I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
