life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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