peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
