i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
