O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
