The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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