I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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