the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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