Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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