Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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