Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
