My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
