We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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