i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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