Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hippo gnu deer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
