Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
