i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
