I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
