Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
