Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
