I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
