so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
