i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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