So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
