Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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