Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
