ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize