$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
