Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
