i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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