Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
