theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
