Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
