I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
