a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
